Friday, October 30, 2009

Can you overcome a fear?



Whether or not they admit it I think everyone has something that they fear. As it turns out I have three major fears. They are, in order, 1. the dark 2. masks and 3. singing in front of people


The dark brings real intense fear to my soul. I can't control it and I can't overcome it through no lack of trying. I thought some simple conditioning ought to help, but alas... no. One time my little brother (kale) and I were just getting home from someplace. He parked the car in the garage and next thing I know he's locked me in the vehicle run inside and shut the garage door. He knows I'm scared of the dark, but I think he underestimated just how big that fear is. As the garage door slid down the light was slowly smothered out and I could feel the panick bubbling in my stomach and exploding out my mouth in the form of terrified screams. By the time he came back for me I admit there were tears and I was out of breath... I was also twenty years old.

There's less to say about Masks. I'm not scared of the mask by itself, just when people are wearing them. I can't explain it exactly, but even if I know and adore whoever is under the mask I feel like I can't trust them. That same feeling that I get when I'm in the dark emerges. It twists my stomach and clouds up my mind and leaves me with no courage at all. Between the dark and the masks I really can not say I handle haunted haouses well at all. Oh yes, I've tried! 4 times actually, but they always end the same way... shaky, teary eyed, and later on...much later... a bit mad at all the scarers.

Rather than overcoming these fears I've more or less just simply adapted to having them, but my fear of singing in front of people is one I have taken on with a bit more gumption and a bit more outside help. I have a surprising history of singing in front of people.. numerouse chior solos, sacrament musical numbers, school talent shows, I was even Cosette in the stake performance of Les Miserables, but each time was quite intimidating. I'll dance on stage or give a talk, play piano or do cartwheels in front of people. whatever I'm ok with it, but when I try to sing I develop a strong shyness, I do love singing though. (Don't be misdirected, however. Usually when people say they love something it is assumed they have talent in that area. I am a very average singer. I am not being modest-very average- but I enjoy it a lot.) SO... this semester I am taking "MUSIC 111: Basic Vocal Instruction". We have to sing in front of eachother... ALONE... and perform for eachother... BY OURSELVES, but... it is helping my fear and it's getting much easier.

4 comments:

  1. poor haliaka! that dark story was cruel and unusual of you r brother. but i may or may not be laughing out loud as i sit here in the library reading it... ;)

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  2. haha i'm glad i could give you a laugh as you sit in the library. it may have been a cruel moment for him, but as a general rule hes a pretty sweet kid;)- and i hope you don't have to stay with Harold long!

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  3. Thanks for sharing! :) "In the absense of light darkness prevails" (A line off of Hell Boy) I feel ya on the darkness; not a big fan myself and I don't like haunted houses either. I never go to them!

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  4. is that why you didn't want to go to the masquerade???

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