Can you overcome a fear?

Whether or not they admit it I think everyone has something that they fear. As it turns out I have three major fears. They are, in order, 1. the dark 2. masks and 3. singing in front of people


The dark brings real intense fear to my soul. I can't control it and I can't overcome it through no lack of trying. I thought some simple conditioning ought to help, but alas... no. One time my little brother (kale) and I were just getting home from someplace. He parked the car in the garage and next thing I know he's locked me in the vehicle run inside and shut the garage door. He knows I'm scared of the dark, but I think he underestimated just how big that fear is. As the garage door slid down the light was slowly smothered out and I could feel the panick bubbling in my stomach and exploding out my mouth in the form of terrified screams. By the time he came back for me I admit there were tears and I was out of breath... I was also twenty years old.

There's less to say about Masks. I'm not scared of the mask by itself, just when people are wearing them. I can't explain it exactly, but even if I know and adore whoever is under the mask I feel like I can't trust them. That same feeling that I get when I'm in the dark emerges. It twists my stomach and clouds up my mind and leaves me with no courage at all. Between the dark and the masks I really can not say I handle haunted haouses well at all. Oh yes, I've tried! 4 times actually, but they always end the same way... shaky, teary eyed, and later on...much later... a bit mad at all the scarers.

Rather than overcoming these fears I've more or less just simply adapted to having them, but my fear of singing in front of people is one I have taken on with a bit more gumption and a bit more outside help. I have a surprising history of singing in front of people.. numerouse chior solos, sacrament musical numbers, school talent shows, I was even Cosette in the stake performance of Les Miserables, but each time was quite intimidating. I'll dance on stage or give a talk, play piano or do cartwheels in front of people. whatever I'm ok with it, but when I try to sing I develop a strong shyness, I do love singing though. (Don't be misdirected, however. Usually when people say they love something it is assumed they have talent in that area. I am a very average singer. I am not being modest-very average- but I enjoy it a lot.) SO... this semester I am taking "MUSIC 111: Basic Vocal Instruction". We have to sing in front of eachother... ALONE... and perform for eachother... BY OURSELVES, but... it is helping my fear and it's getting much easier.

An Appreciated Kindness

So I'm sitting in my class: History of the Civil War Era, and there are two things you should know about this class. 1. I love it and was stoked to get in it (ok thats kinda two things, but very much related so I'm counting it as one) and 2. It is an hour and half long. Despite my love of learning about the civil war 90 minutes is a long time and some days I just don't have the endurance. I took excellent detailed notes the first half of class, but couldn't make it through the whole period. The last half of class I dozed off a little and did weird stuff- like WEIRD. I wasn't just day dreaming or staring off into space k, I was looking at the ends of my hair searching for split ends and ripping them off when I found one, I buffed by pen, and I wrote out all 14 syllables of my name in cursive about a billion times. I don't know... I have no defense for myself. Then we get to the end of class and the kid sitting next to me, his name is Boyd- we've talked casually a couple times-, says "hey do you want me to email you my notes?" I looked at him slightly confused and he continued to say "well I noticed you didn't take very many"... I was super embarrassed and I stuttered out "y-y-you would do th-that.... umm. wow.. ummmm... yea... that would be cool.... ummm... thanks. see you Tuesday. and then I rushed out- like bolted for the door, first one out of class style, and it was correct that I said I'd see him Tuesday, but stupid because before Tuesday comes I'll see him in class on Thursday. Needless to say I've vowed to take outstanding notes the rest of the semester and I hope Boyd notices. I can't believe he watched me buff my pen for 45 minutes...or that I really was buffing my pen in public, or at all for that matter. Anyways I'm glad there are sweet people like Boyd in the world to help me out and not make fun of me. My next moves...1. help someone out like Boyd helped me and 2. take really good notes in civil war class.